Cheslie, Chris ... I'm So Sorry

If you are in crisis, call the toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The service is available to anyone. All calls are confidential. http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

There are no words to adequately describe the overwhelming feeling when you get the news. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, suicide is among the leading causes of death in the United States. Suicide was the tenth leading cause of death overall in the United States, claiming the lives of over 47,500 people in 2019.

My cousin, Ashley, and I were recently discussing our beliefs and questions for life after death. We know connection with others makes life worthwhile and fulfilling, but what happens when you close your eyes for the last time? We came to the optimistic conclusion that our souls get to walk the Earth, checking on our loved ones, after hearing God tell us "well done".

What we did not talk about was death by suicide. I shutter each time I hear the word. I shutter at the thought that so many people are suffering in silence. There is a lot of pressure in this world. Pressure from what we are exposed to on television. Pressure from the highlight reel of life we call "social media". Pressure to post and share what we think will be accepted, because the thought of rejection is painful. Pressure from what we thought we would be doing at this moment of our lives, versus our present realities. Pressure from being strong because the sentence "Never let them see you sweat" or "Never let them see you down" plays over and over in your mind. Pressure from what went right, what went wrong, what is to come, and so much more.

The simple truth is that we simply never know what someone is facing. Every person has a story. Every person has their struggles and internal battles that often go unseen. The recent weeks and months have shown us suicide after suicide. Yes, we often don't know what all a peer, friend or loved one is facing - but how about we see this moment, right now, as permission to ask. Pick up the phone. Call. Text. Email. Snail Mail. Something. Anything.

I'm in tears as I write this because of the recent passing of Cheslie Kryst. Cheslie's energy and light can not be easily forgotten. Beautifully graceful, Cheslie earned the highly regarded national pageantry title of Miss USA in 2019. Cheslie shifted so many lives on the morning of January 30, 2022. Someone will read about Cheslie and think "how can someone so accomplished and so beautiful do something like that". I'll tell you how - mindfully. Cheslie was brilliant. She earned her jurors doctorate and she knew Cheslie. It pains me to realize she felt so alone. All I have been able to think about is her sweet mom, April. Reading reports that say Cheslie wrote April a letter just adds to the gravity of this loss. They were close and they loved each other hard. April support Cheslie every step of the way and there is no doubt in my mind that Cheslie felt her mother's love. Cheslie's beauty is not the only gift she inherited from her mom. Cheslie's grace and genuine compassion remind me of April. April, if you ever read this, please know that I lift you and your family in my prayers.

Another mom who stays on my mind is Mama O.K. - Orlah King. The strength of this lady still inspires me. I met Mama OK in May 2018 at the viewing for her son, Chris Aubrie. Chris was such a cool cucumber! We went to Winthrop University together and served our campus community through several student organizations. I remember being so excited when he asked me to join him for WU President Comstock's inaugural gala. We were two of three students (LOL - that's for you Alex) in attendance and had an absolute blast! Learning of his passing felt like someone had just hit "pause" on a box office hit. Chris left such a beautiful legacy of service and kindness. I remember him fondly and he still encourages me from heaven.

I spoke to a group of high school students through the Indianapolis Urban League a couple of months ago. I was asked what's one piece of advice I would offer to students as they finish high school and charge into adulthood. I told them about Chris and my advice was to understand that you are not alone, even when you feel lonely. It's easier said than done, but there is greater on the other side of the current challenge.

Chris was similar to Cheslie in that they both made people feel special in their presence. They both had an inner light that shined brightly and they were both admired for that. These two sweet angels live on in the hearts of others. To the mommas of gentle spirits, thank you for sharing your children with us and for your continued strength when you are not expected to be strong.

I firmly believe the unspoken battles we learn about will lead other people who are fighting unseen challenges to seek help as they overcome. Life can be hard. I know several incredible people who have attempted suicide. In my darkest moments that I have kept private, I've thought about the calm we hope is on the other side of life. I'm so grateful for counseling and the techniques I've learned on how to cope with life's stressors. I understand that I am on assignment and my work here is not yet finished. I sincerely encourage everyone to seek mental wellness guidance as often as needed.

We must check in on one another! Each of us have purpose and promise. If you're reading this, I want you to know that you are beautiful, you are worthy, you are loved, and you are enough. You do not have to fit into anyone's mold in order to be accepted. I'm cheering for you!

The toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.